"White-Dress Bride" & "Gentleman Officer"

This page shares a fine and true story and aims to inform, entertain and maybe inspire.

I like the photo above, of my late husband and I on our wedding day December 17, 1966, for a number of reasons:

Just a picture but it shows that, it was pivotal moment in our lives, that we were blessed with love and happiness, that we liked to see "eye-to-eye" and that we felt we were well-matched.

Some people are marriage-bound, right down to their genome. Others are not. But I married him because he was equal and equally interested in marrying me. I think that is the marriage basic.

When People struggle with issues of love and romance and marriage, I always wish I could calm them with " Are sure it is what you WANT?" Because if BOTH partners in any major partnership are equally interested, and ACT on that interest, a lot of things are possible that otherwise are not.

It is not a sin to be lacking in focus or commitment in a thing, but if we truly want something and need it, we cannot complain that it is not forthcoming, if we fail to develop its requirements.

Even on my most hectic day, I am so fortunate, I think, to have known that man, and loved him and enjoyed his love and partnership in so many wonderful ways in work and love.

If that idea seems desirable to you, do not be afraid to develop it. Even if one is a "natural" for a thing, some planning, dreaming, focus, development and action are needed to win through.

Do not fault yourself, or others. Do spend some thinking time, to learn your own heart in things, and then think again to plan and followup on goals. This statement is NOT as dumb as it sounds - so very often, when things fail, this factoid is at the heart of why it does not work. And when a thing is a triumph, this same factoid may be found to be the key to its success - not a miracle, not a special deal that some priviledged thing enjoyed, but simply thought, planning and development in the happiest of ways.

I was born in 1947 and, although basic truths remain the same, through the ages, things were different in some ways:

When I was a girl, the phrase "Women's Lib" had not been heard.

I was lucking in that the men and women in our family were already free and equal and all worked, and often worked partners, including my parents.

So I could not understand some of the gender-oriented activism of my times. I ducked gender rights issues, because ours were fine, and getting activist would have undermined all the neat things we were doing.

Annette and Gidget were role models, and church and social completely supported the full destiny of a young woman, but so much happier if a Handsome Prince of her very own was part of it!
Dreams of love!
Lessons at Mother's feet
Prayers to saints not lost, as Elizabeth Barret Browning said hers were...mine were NOT lost ,but occasionally misplaced, and so I did try to hold on to Saint Anthony, at least, the patron of the lost and/or stolen, to help find the others, at such times!

In my case, the "Handsome Prince" was not a false goal, imposed by a rapidly-crumbling society, but my true self, and 'raison d'etre'. I do not remember a time when I felt goals in work could possibly go all that well, if I fouled my goals in love.

Being the only one off my close girl pals group, who had a truly married genome, I am the only one widowed. There IS God, but also the Devil, and the black spirit obviously could not bear our naturally lovely match and our good work and love - the demon resented my prayers of thanks and delight and my daily singing and humming about over it all, even when the day's list of tasks included mighty challenges and dangerous ones.

I am a happy Catholic, nimbling through the issues and I am positive that I did, in the sacraments, renounce Satan and his works....so how did he get in and do so much damage? Our children are fine, too, and even our pets were good and saved.

It was a long time finding a normal sunrise, and I walked in the shadow for seven years, doing all that is recommended and still, the healing and great lights and triumph over loss would only come at its own rate.

But today, I am in possession of the inner lights of all the good things we developed and found and shared all those many good years together and very happy on my own, and I know I will marry again, having found the path once more.

But in 1965:
I loved it that the men in my life were a bit taller, stronger and gallant.
I loved my dresses, and designed some and found the money for THE dress, whether my budget was generous or slim.
I loved the French nuns who taught us in High School, and developed us so nicely.
I loved the Jesuit priests - a discovery - for fellows who were supposed to 'not like women' they were very kind to me, and very elegant, when I helped in arts on their campus.

I personally had no human rights issues: "This is America", I was taught,by a large, pro-active, and loving family:
"all enjoy freedom as their right, every day. Do your life and simply report issues."

Later I learned that the human experience is fancier than that: I learned that, for most people, that some kinds of diversity are not really desirable and that some of the activism is needed.

But in Fairfield, Connecticut in the sixties, we were lucky and simply developed great individuality and partnerships, in a true sense of balance, without much conflict.

See the movie "Gentleman's Agreement" to get a picture of the only part that was severly criticised:
the Double Standard it was called - the lies, the elegant evasion of true equality and enjoyment of life.
The only Black people in our town were Professionals with property and money and some even with some fame, so I could not really understand black issue, beyond the history class, and movies.
But the sneaky ways in some things were there, every day, and those of us who read and wrote and spoke on such issues, always talked about it with a bitter edge, praying for better.

I guess our prayers were answered - sometimes the mess is worse than ever, but....

America's typical day has changed a bit, from those childhood days - some of it nicely, and easy to adapt with grace and interest; some of it so dramatically as to be quite painful at first, even when the adjustments proved a complete delight, once past 'intake'.

Health and developing a normal life-expectancy was, of course, the motive for popular paths in things,
paths our children might sometimes think bizarre, or at least a little bit odd.

For this reason, I thought it would be fun and enlightening, and entertaining,
since it got so "interesting",
to share some of the stories and paint a life-picture.

This page is dedicated to my late husband.
He was the Handsome Prince from start to finish...famous for
"Almost doesn't count, except in horseshoes and darts." translated variously over the years.
In his heaven, he knows I cannot tell ALL, and would not wish to,
but what can be shared, I will try to tell well.

It is so important to say that the stories are not meant to brag,
but to inspire and thank God that were blessed with a lot of the best, and challenging times to put it all to work.
I hope it will serve as an aid to our children and grandchildren.

Whatever your genome, your profile, your inclinations, your elemental self, some goodwork/goodlove formula is probably part of every one of your days. I pray for your success in finding your best in it, and I urge you to be brave and realize that a lot of what you want depends on your own development and thought and followup on it...and do not be afraid to ask your favorite Saint to send the magic touch that brings it to life!

The things in our relationship we developed and played out and shared to good effect keep me person delighted to get up each day, and make the best day for me and those who touch my life that I possibly can.
The good of it was not even damaged by death, although death disrupted and attacked it. And when I lived those days, and love's powers rekindled, I knew the meaning of the words 'delight', 'rejoice' and 'triumph'. It is the real world, and we don't expect a thing to endure and retain its best powers when downed like we were, by my husband's sudden death.

The Miracle, and there for everyone who cares to develop it!

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General Outline/Chronology
Today ~ July 24, To Peter
The years 1947-1966 from my birth to marriage and exodus
The years 1967-1984 from marriage to widowhood and return to homeground
The years 1985-200? from homecoming to remarriage

July 24,1981

Dr. H. found us in the Winter Park Florida Hospital waiting room.
It had been sunny weather, but a few moments earlier, the skies opened up with an "instant monsoon",
as happens there in the summer sometimes.
But today, as we were told that Peter had just died, to shock and sorrow, and pitiful heartbreak, there was the Twilight Zone feeling to have rains arrive just then. In all the Crucifixion stories, it poured rain, just as Jesus died.
He was good enough, my husband, but would have thought the skies opening up over his passing, "just a bit much".

Desolate.

Our love was just plain good, and happy and my husband's personality a fine one. We all just loved him. He was the Prince in our lives.

My system was frozen in automatic co-operation with those days, and insides screaming the ultimate futility rage.

Concern for our children beyond belief, and mom-smarts hiding these feelings too, as I expressed support and confidence to them to steady them a bit, just now, when it was needed.
On-site family counselling in sudden shock scenarios, like ours meant that we received great help a few good rules for weathering the coming days!

I am a soul and, even before my teens, long ago, rapt, saw my late husband and both children in my "mind's eye" long before we ever actually met, and they had been an inseparable part of me for most of my life. This day, I was stunned and disbelieving: "it is not possible that he be dead, and me alive"..."does not compute".

A few days earlier, we had arrived in Florida to visit with my Mother, at the first anniversary of her own widowhood from her second spouse, a grand man and extended family friend. He had been ailing for some time before his death, and Mother was fine and had been ready, when the time came. My late husband's Mother had died when he was a college freshman, and my own Mother called him her own, when we all met, a few years later. Visits to the Mother-in-law, were never "like that" , but full of fun and love and easy times. At this visit, it was our job was to distract Grandma with some of the Florida outings and family fun things, in a lite fashion. Easy task!

A widowed sister had moved in with Mother to make a merrier household, and it was going along well...a good visit. Both our children were in the early teen days and a little odd, sometimes, and taking us along with them, too, so there was a bit more of the family tizzy syndrome, but all going well.

On one of the outings, The Rollercoaster was a guy/guy bonding adventure for my husband and son, but when they began to compete, to see who could outlast for one more go-round, I shook my head at them in loving warning.

If only I had done more than my wise and wonderful, tolerance! Too many rounds, whizzing about on the joyride ruptured my husband's intracranial aneurysm. Of course, we had no idea he had an aneurysm at the time: he made medicine for Wellcome Ltd., and his medical care was the best, showed nothing, really - a headache in that general area. Even if there was some suspicion, back then there were no safe tests to find such aneurysms. None was actually suspected.

He thought he had one of his headaches. I had been proud to say he had very few, after his war service and home safe, but occasionally, there it was, and no easy thing. It usually responded to ordinary aspirin and massage or cold pack, so we did those, and off to sleep.

However, upon arising, he took a few steps and fell and fell unconscious. Tests and life support could not help, and the brain malfunction was followed by cessation of the heart a few days later.

The pivotal day, and for some time, our lives like "walking in the shadow" , but with a fine goal - to heal me and mine and fight and focus and win and regain the lights of love and life that were his legacy, his way with us, all those fine years, either side of that day we lost him.

Death struck, but Death must not win the destruction of so much good!

We got there! We won! Good minds, "all ten fingers, all ten toes..."..and happy hearts restored. After lot of work of the sort that is given wide berth by anyone with any sense at all!

Worth it!

The years 1947-1966 from my birth to marriage and leaving childhood's home.

It's my parent's fault: Pisces and Libra - the romantics and idealists. They were practical cats and achieving in their work, but sang and swooned around when I was a girl, and there was always room for all three of their children to hop in bed with them, when thunder and lightning struck,and good rules, and if we were good......

I wanted the thing: the work and the Handsome Prince and a happy marriage team - I realized that was a tall order in a chaotic world very young, too, and so each day, as I finished my part of being good enough, I prayed God would send the right match for me, who felt the same and with whom I cold work partners well, and truly love. If either one of a love pair cannot do it, the thing falls apart, and this much I could see, too, although very young, and so I prayed as hard as I played and worked and grew.

What a lucky house! Prosperity, parents who liked to talk and listen, and fine teachers and other family members and friends. Each brought their something new and neat to hear and learn, and I truly loved it all - they were each different and so each uniquely intersting.

The teen years were coming - I couldn't wait! I'm almost a teenager! Being little was fun, but.... "not yet, young lady!" , Father would say,"it's not that easy. "

But it was Tammy and Gidget and Annette and Venus and movie stars and the Blesses Virgin every day, so the roses were always there and the blue skies were endless.

Catholic school could be odd; the days were more repressed than now and we preferred it; more sensitive and elegant and respectful of the psyche, even if we railed against things like the "double-standard" , the lies and backstage evils, my world did not have much backstage evil to it and the freedom we enjoyed, as we bloomed was really lovely! A triumph and a disaster every day, over a romantic or social moment, or education goal, but a sense of the honor it was to skip freely through it all.

Pajama parties, rock and roll, and daily passions with fashion and beauty were worth it. Careful guarded flirtations and lots of giggling talk about what we might hope for, what might be our "dream" of love!

Would my ankles EVER do it right? Would the work with myself show worth it? I remember being pleased with me, finally: I loved my work and my seat at the front of the class, but I had no desire to repel my handsome prince when he found me, so I worked on it, until I was happy with the effect: not too much, not too little, not too this not too that, but definitely nice enough.

I guess we did it right, my friends, my 'mommies' and myself - when the prom times came, I did have to wait long to be asked.

My thoughts were mostly cautious: the early dates were NOT "HIM", so the philosophy was to not ruin myself before then.

Nice times, but very nervous.

I was getting anxious: somehow I knew that none of the boys at my school was "HIM", while some of my my girlfriends seemed to jump right in with the gang on hand.

Then I won a spot in the play in the College in our town, though only a teen. Just an understudy for 'Saint Joan'. Mostly fun, and an honor being on set, with a true noteable directing - I was all eyes and respect and full of the wonderful hum of compatible excitement.

Woking on campus was not so unusual then - it was a men's college and just beginning to get the women on campus, and I felt pretty special, since they only invited the ones who qualified.

And for doing well with the play, I was invited again: this time, to the Friday nite casual dance! I was encouraged to invite my three best girlfriends, but then began to get attacks of happy foreboding: "I'm not going, I'm not going!"...but I had the dress and accessories dyed to match, the emerald green with the red silk lining and the latest in the slant of the heel on the shoe, so , groaning or not, I went. Lucky for my friends: I owned the car, and was driving.

It had been a tough week: dented my Father's new Buick, though it was not my fault. And it was September and my sister's birthday and I did not want to be the star- it was her week. So , at the dance, my partners were nice but, not connecting, and I seemed to need to run into the ladies room and re-do the hair every ten minutes. The perfect preppie flip must not flop.

Finally, still dragging, I exited still one more time from the ladies' room and bumped into a circle of the women - circled around whom? Our basketball team star, lapping up the feminine adoration! We had the star basketball team that year and the star of the team was unreal! Under six feet, he made basket after basket for the team, all the while defying reality, since it was not possible for a man of moderate height to win on the court.

I was not a cheerleader type, "Miss Books-in-her-arms", and did not accept inviations to date from the sports players, so I was not jealous, when I spied our superstar and just loved the show he was sharing, and laughed for the first time that day.

Then, still laughing , as turned around, there he was! And we were inseperable from that moment on, til his death.

His gaze was full of lights that matched mine, and there would be lots of talk to synchronize, but we just knew we'd found it, at that instant. "Let's dance", he said, and it still bothers me...I don't remember the music, inspite of a strong music way with me. Who needed music? So funny...years of mind's eye wanderings and searching, prayer and study and learning and hoping and more prayer, and the thing done in a moment. Oh, La!

In those days, there was testing to be done - the right degree of warm and cold maintained in a new relationship...it was a recipe: he had to ask to get me alone, I had to respond that lots of nice talk in the social area was really a better idea.

Rather than put off, he was pleased with my response, and we traded biographies, and likes and dislikes, before the dance was over and I drove my friends home, with his promise to call the next day.

He did.

more to come............

A favorite fun Wedding Photo ~ Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will grant you the desires of your Heart...the bible quote was written about my tiny Grandmother Elsie Agnes Robinson Smith, a very special friend.

Washington, D.C. may be about History Government and Politics to many, and it is that. But, during our dating days, in the late 60s, my late husband's officer's training base just south of "the District", took us into Washington on weekends when permitted. Later, we'd return, with the children for fun, history and the feeling of romantic rendezvous.

Sometimes, he and I would make the trip without the children, as a modest second-honeymoon, recalling those war days and our new love and the fun we'd make for one another to offset the tensions. And we'd make lots of new memories, as well.

Pictured below, "Rive Gauche", our favorite restaurant in D.C. The way a good dinner out should be for folk who work happily and hard and sit in straight-backed chairs all week. "Rive Gauche" featured the luxe experience: comfortable seating, the full French Gourmet menu, skillfully prepared and served with elegant and rich dining things.

He smiled at me, saying with his expression rather than words, "We are making a fine memory tonight!" He took up the inspiration and showing the elegant high arches and kingly bearing, took his Duke of Windsor pose and smiled and got into the role, as I openly adored him, and chatted about the menu and ordered in French for him, exulting in my role as his happy handmaiden!

We really paid attention, and took every opportunity to rise to the occasion, with the staff delighted to bow and fuss and join in our fun!

Never disappoint such opportunity! So many years after his early and sudden death, I am happy and healed, and happier still, when recalling such events!

I give thanks to whatever angel inspired us to make such moments: they bring me all the right things, whenever I call them to mind, and support me for a good life today.

The photo below is in a good frame and handily viewable, so I remember the value of bothering to create "moments to remember".